My goal...

I know this may not seem like a big thing and you might not even care to read it, but I need to write it down. I don't know why I have it, but for some reason my body has a hard time keeping pregnancies. I have had 5 miscarriages and it is super hard on me. This last time that I got pregnant I was so very excited. My sister in law had found out two weeks before me that she was pregnant and so we were supposed to share our pregnancies together. I was ecstatic beyond words! About a week after I had found out that I was pregnant, I started bleeding. It still makes me cry to even think about it. I try to keep it in the back of my head. I know that I am supposed to have more kids. There is no doubt in my mind about it. It just scares me so very much to even begin to get excited because I never know if I will be able to meet that baby that I am carrying at that time or not. Needless to say though, I did end up miscarrying. My amazing doctor started running tests right away to try and figure out what is wrong and why it keeps happening. All of my test results came back normal. There is nothing wrong with my body to explain it. It was a bittersweet thing to hear that. Part of me wanted to have something wrong so it could be fixed and I wouldn't have to deal with having more miscarriages, but the other part of me didn't want to because that would mean surgery which really scared me. I don't have the slightest clue as to why I have to go through this. There are so many emotions that come with it.

Anyway, after my miscarriage, my dad gave me a wonderful blessing. He told me that I would be able to have another child. Part of that blessing though was also that I needed to make sure that I had a healthy body for my baby to grow in. I know that I need to lose weight, there is no doubt about that, but I have continued to make excuses for myself. "I don't have time;how am I supposed to exercise when I have kids all the time;I need to clean instead..." The list goes on and on. Well, I made a decision two nights ago. I am going to lose my weight. I am going to be a healthy, strong, beautiful woman. I will do it for my kids that I have now, I will do if for my husband, I will do it for my baby that I will get to have one day, but most importantly I am going to do it for myself. No more excuses, no more wasted time. There is no reason in the world, no matter how much of a bother it may seem sometimes, that I cannot take care of myself. That's my goal. It is written down; I have told the world. I normally don't share that stuff, but I feel like if I want to succeed, I need to share it. I am excited to start my journey and I WILL DO IT!!

Halloween Decorations

Okay since I haven't updated this thing in over a month now, I figure it is about time.

We are super excited for Halloween this year. We went out on the 1st and bought some more Halloween decorations. The next morning they were up (and I was SO proud of myself that they were actually put up more than the day before which is what usually happens). We enjoyed our decorations for a total of....2 days!! Monday we had a storm hit that was just insane!! It started out sunny in the morning with just a couple of clouds. Late morning we got a few sprinkles and then all of the sudden we got HAIL. I am not talking just little hail, this stuff was the size of golf balls!! Up north they had tornados touch down and everything. Needless to say though it destroyed our cardboard decorations (they were from the dollar store so not such a big deal). So now instead of having a super cool walkway that was fully decorated to our front door, we have a couple of decorations left. It doesn't bother me too much since I am not as big into decorating for Halloween as I am for Christmas. That was our excitement for the week. :-)

It's a BOY!!

So we are all very excited in our house!! We adopted a cute little puppy late last night and we couldn't be happier. He is a cocker spaniel mix and is just as precious as can be. We named him Rocky. He is so very careful with the boys and my babysitting kids and is SO calm for a puppy. He is one that will totally play with the kiddos, but will also lay down and just relax with you. He is also a cuddle bug (which I love). I will post pictures once I find the camera. (I seem to lose that pretty easily...not good).

80's Music

Today has been such a fun day. I love to have dancing parties with my boys. We have them multiple times a week and sometimes even do it when the daycare kids are over. I almost always let them pick which CD they want to dance to and today Trenton picked a CD I haven't listened to in YEARS. He picked a Best of the 80's CD that came with my parents computer that they bought, oh, I don't know like in 1995 or 1996. My brother, Paul, and my cousins, Kari, Steven, and Melissa, and I used to dance to this CD for HOURS on end. We always did it when my dad was gone to work so we could use his stereo and we would take turns making sure the speaker didn't get into the "red zone". Just a side note, my dad always told us that if the speakers ever got into the said red zone, they would blow, so we took it literally and thought they would BLOW UP. We were very careful for that reason (we didn't want to be the reason we no longer would have a home to live in). We had so much fun and so when I put the CD in today and had to stand there, dancing with my boys and just laugh and laugh because of all the memories it brought back. Now, today, I got to dance with my two boys and make more fun memories with that same CD. Thanks Trenton for the unknown flashback of memories that you brought me, and thanks to my brother and my cousins for making those fun memories with me when we were little. (Thanks to my mom and my Aunt Kathi too for not wanting to kill us-I just realized how irritating that music can be when there happens to be one song that is our favorite to dance to over and over and over again one right after the other. My boys picked the same one.) :-)

My family....

I don't know what is going on in my life, maybe it is just because Derek is gone with work so much, but I have had a lot of time to think and reflect on things. My dear, sweet Aunt Kathi passed away 3 year ago this October. My amazing Uncle Craig was left to care for 5 kids, not including the 2 older ones that were not living in his house, without a wife. He had a hard time, but his daughter Kari, her husband Cori, and her (then) little girl, dropped everything they had (they lived out of state) and moved to be with him. Kari was pregnant, took over the household to help her dad. Well, now almost 3 years down the road, Kari and Cori are now in their own house, and my wonderful Uncle, yesterday afternoon, was able to re-marry to an amazing woman who makes him so very happy. Well, I was not able to get to go to the wedding, but I sat at my house and thought about their story and it made me very grateful.

I am SO very grateful for my family. As I sit and think about it, there is no other people that I could love more. I was blessed to be born into a home with amazing parents. They tried so very long to have me brought into their home (there is 9 1/2 years difference between my sister and I). I am so glad they decided to continue trying because I know how hard and depressing it can be when you cannot have a baby brought into your home. They are truly some of my heroes because of it. My mom and dad worked so very hard to make sure that we were happy and had everything we needed in life. I am grateful for them and their efforts to make sure we read scriptures, had family home evening, and said our prayers daily. Without that, I know I would not have the testimony I do today for church. I am also grateful for what wonderful grandparents they are now. I know they help shape and mold my boys into the great men they will become one day. My dad is known as "Grandpa with the flowers". I am sure that is part of the great legacy he will leave behind with my boys. He has also helped in teaching them the importance of hard work. Trenton is a slave driver now, making sure everyone works their hardest because of my dad. My dear mother, who I love, has helped teach my boys love and kindness. They know that grandma loves them no matter what. She also has helped me as a mom, remember and reflect on patience, and the importance of having our own family time, reading scriptures, and family prayers, which I learned from her example. I thank them for that, and hope that they know how incredibly much I love them and how dear they are to my heart.

I also have the most amazing blessing, that a lot of people don't get, to have wonderful in-laws that I married into. In fact, I do not count them as in-laws, they are in-loves (Derek's dad came up with it). I do not just mean my father and mother-in-love only. I love Derek's brothers and sister like they are my own. I watch them and am amazed at how lucky I am to have a family that I know would do anything for Derek, the boys, and myself. I have heard so many stories about how everyone knew not to mess with the Miller family because they would be hearing from Brandon (Derek's older brother). I am so grateful for them and the love that they show to my little family. They do so well with making sure that you know you are a part of their family and not just an outsider that happened to marry one of their kids. So for them I say this. Kim & Ann: You AMAZE me. You testimony shines through you both all the time. You are such wonderful parents and grandparents. Trenton & Kaydon love coming to visit you and when you stop by the house. You have such wonderful advice to share. You have had so many speed bumps in life and you come out on top, able to stand tall and know that Heavenly Father is so very proud of the way you handled it. Dad-thank you for being so patient with the grand kids, even when it may be hard. It is SO worth it. Mom-thank you for being so creative. I am truly envious of that talent that you have and the kids LOVE it. Now, to Brandon & Amanda: I know you two have our backs no matter what. It truly means so much to me. I am SO excited that you two have each other. I love you both dearly and cannot wait to get to spend more time with you. Off to sibling number 2: Tawni & Danny: I know things have not always been the greatest between our little families. We have had some fights and some good times, but I want you to know that I love you both more than words can express. I am SO glad that we are able to become good friends now, and that their isn't the tension all the time like there was before. You two are really amazing and I am so very grateful to be able to have you in my life and count you two as very special friends. Last, but not least is Ryan & Cassie. You two are so very special. It was a little weird for me coming in marrying Derek knowing that Ryan was just a few months younger than me, but still in high school. It made it feel awkward to me to try and get to know you because it was drastically different areas we were in life. I want you to know though that I love you. Ryan you are such a great brother and I appreciate all the times that you have helped me out, especially now that Derek is gone so much. Cassie you are such a beautiful woman!! I am so very glad to have you in the family. You have such a sweet spirit about you and everyone that meets you just falls in love with you. You put so much passion into everything you do and so many people can learn from you with that. Thank you for being such a wonderful person. I love you both.

Finally, is my husband. Words cannot express the love that I have for you and the boys. You astound me. You are so patient, kind, loving, helpful, smart, such a hard worker, the list could go on and on. You will do anything for our family and I know you will never let anything happen to us that you have any control over. You are so very loving despite my faults (which I know I have many). I know you miss being able to be with the boys everyday and it is such a sacrifice for you to be gone so much. I want you to know that I truly do appreciate it. Besides being such an amazing husband, you are also a great dad. I could not have even imagined being so lucky to have such a wonderful man to be the father of my kids. The boys adore you. They look up to you and want to be just like you. Trenton asked me everyday if he can grow up to be you. You are truly his hero and mine. I LOVE YOU!! Thank you for being you!!

Random quotes by Trenton today...

Quote 1: We are at the store and this was the conversation that I had with Trenton. **Note this kid HATES riding in the shopping carts**

Trenton: "Mom I need to ride in the shopping cart."
Me: "You want to ride in the cart? Okay buddy."
Trenton: "Mom I need to ride in the cart because I worked WAY harder than Grandpa today so my legs are very tired."


Quote 2: Trenton needed his nails cut so when he was sleeping yesterday I clipped his nails. He woke up in the middle and started screaming BLOODY murder. He has a phobia or something of getting his nails clipped. My dad came running in the house because he heard him screaming when he was outside in the front of the house and we were in the back of the house it was that bad. It was a terrifying experience for him. I also didn't get to finish clipping two of his nails because he was so upset and fighting me on it.

Trenton: "Mom, I need to tell you something important."
Me: "Okay, what is it?"
Trenton: "Thank you SO much for cutting my nails. They are great!!"
Me: "You are welcome. Do you want me to cut your other nails when you fall asleep tonight?"
Trenton: "OH NO!!! I think they are great this way. I don't want my nails cut again."

Quote 3: I have been trying to get Trenton in bed for about 3 hours when this finally happened.
Trenton: "Mom, I can't do this anymore."
Me: "You can't do what anymore buddy?"
Trenton: "I am SO tired!! I need to go to bed. Is it okay with you if I go to sleep now?"
Me: "Of course!!"
Trenton: "Thank you Mom. I can't be this tired anymore and stay awake."

Less than 2 minutes and he is asleep.

The joys of our day...I love the little things in life. They make me laugh!! :-)

Poor little Trenton!! :-(

Poor Trenton totally biffed it today on the tile. He slipped and landed face first. We are honestly lucky he didn't get hurt worse than he did. He got a nasty bloody nose (which swelled up HUGE) and a bloody mouth (we think his teeth hit the inside of his top lip). He top lip is really, really, really big too. Poor guy. He was a trooper though. Hopefully he won't be too bruised up tomorrow. :-( At least he didn't get a broken nose though, right??

Quote of the day...from the mouth of Trenton

I was cooking dinner yesterday and Trenton was helping me. I was getting out the spices and he was asking what each one was. I got out the cumin and started mixing it into the ricotta cheese. When I said that it was cumin, he thought I said HUMAN. He starting screaming...."EWWWW!!!! I DON'T WANT TO EAT HUMAN!! Is it a girl??" I was laughing SO hard!! I love that boy!!

It's offically official...I have two boys for sure!!

Today was quite the adventure. We had the doors open to try and cool the house down and the front door had been blocked so the little man (Kaydon) could not get outside. Well, I guess big brother (Trenton) thought it would be fun to move it. I had no idea because I was in my mom's office talking to her. All of the sudden I realize how incredibly quite it was in the house (for anyone that has a boy you know what that means...haha!!). So I go to look for them and realize the front door is open. I had an escaped little guy out there in the front yard that I thought had just made it to the rocks. I ran out and got him and got the supposed one rock out of his mouth. Well...later in the evening the truth became evident. Kaydon had a poopy diaper that I thought I would never, ever see in my life. In this kids diaper was bits and pieces of leaves and also a rock...and no I am not kidding. I love my boys!! They keep life interesting....but there is definitely no doubt about it...they are boys!! I guess I can't trust Trenton to leave the chair in front of the door now. He wants to share BIG adventures with his little brother. :-)

Valentine's Day

So I LOVE to bake. It isn't as much fun down here in AZ as it was in Washington just because of the weather difference, but I still love it. Every Valentine's Day I make Derek some sort of treat and his favorite breakfast. Trenton likes to help me cook and so he helped me make all of these different treats for his dad and the other family around us. I let him lick the bowl or the beaters after we mix something (hey, it's one of the best parts). For some reason this year he insists that he has to try something to make sure that "it tastes good" He doesn't want someone to "suffer" if it doesn't taste good. It is too funny. We made frosting for the cupcakes and he had to try that. The cupcake mix, cake mixes, cookies, everything he had to try. I don't care if he tried the smaller treats after they were made, that was fine, except for the heart shaped cake that we made for dad (Derek). He was upset that I wouldn't let him eat the cake because he needed to know that his daddy would like it. I told him that there wouldn't be any for daddy if he ate it, but he didn't seem to care. He wanted to make sure it would be tasty. He ended up not eating it, but when he woke up from his nap and found out that daddy had tried it he was upset. He made me call daddy to make sure that the cake was okay.


Now Kaydon got a balloon for his Valentine's gift from his dad and me. It was a cute little monkey balloon. Trenton wanted to play with it so we told him that he needed to make sure the ceiling fans were turned off so it wouldn't get popped. Trenton was really good about it throughout the day until later so Derek or I would remind him. We would say, "No Trenton, make sure the fan is off." Kaydon would watch this throughout the day (he adores his big brother). So Trenton was reminded later about turning the fan off so he ran and turned it off. The fan had not stopped completely and the monkey balloon slipped out of his hand. POP!!! Trenton was upset and Kaydon was upset. Daddy gave up his balloon to Kaydon to play with. Every time Trenton would get near his balloon he would say "A no no no no no Tin Tin Tin Tin Tin Tin" and growl at him. It was too funny. I guess he is protective of it. :0)

Trenton spoiled me with a basket full of a bear, a rose, and chocolate. He also got me a beautiful heart necklace and cute earrings. Overall it was a super fun day with lot of laugh.

We hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day too with some fun memories!!