My goal...

I know this may not seem like a big thing and you might not even care to read it, but I need to write it down. I don't know why I have it, but for some reason my body has a hard time keeping pregnancies. I have had 5 miscarriages and it is super hard on me. This last time that I got pregnant I was so very excited. My sister in law had found out two weeks before me that she was pregnant and so we were supposed to share our pregnancies together. I was ecstatic beyond words! About a week after I had found out that I was pregnant, I started bleeding. It still makes me cry to even think about it. I try to keep it in the back of my head. I know that I am supposed to have more kids. There is no doubt in my mind about it. It just scares me so very much to even begin to get excited because I never know if I will be able to meet that baby that I am carrying at that time or not. Needless to say though, I did end up miscarrying. My amazing doctor started running tests right away to try and figure out what is wrong and why it keeps happening. All of my test results came back normal. There is nothing wrong with my body to explain it. It was a bittersweet thing to hear that. Part of me wanted to have something wrong so it could be fixed and I wouldn't have to deal with having more miscarriages, but the other part of me didn't want to because that would mean surgery which really scared me. I don't have the slightest clue as to why I have to go through this. There are so many emotions that come with it.

Anyway, after my miscarriage, my dad gave me a wonderful blessing. He told me that I would be able to have another child. Part of that blessing though was also that I needed to make sure that I had a healthy body for my baby to grow in. I know that I need to lose weight, there is no doubt about that, but I have continued to make excuses for myself. "I don't have time;how am I supposed to exercise when I have kids all the time;I need to clean instead..." The list goes on and on. Well, I made a decision two nights ago. I am going to lose my weight. I am going to be a healthy, strong, beautiful woman. I will do it for my kids that I have now, I will do if for my husband, I will do it for my baby that I will get to have one day, but most importantly I am going to do it for myself. No more excuses, no more wasted time. There is no reason in the world, no matter how much of a bother it may seem sometimes, that I cannot take care of myself. That's my goal. It is written down; I have told the world. I normally don't share that stuff, but I feel like if I want to succeed, I need to share it. I am excited to start my journey and I WILL DO IT!!